Math of life
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee =production
Dumb boss + smart employee =promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument
Rules for the ladies
- Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!
- Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
- Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
- Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.
- Ask for what you want.
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
- We don’t remember dates. . . .Period!!
- Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
- Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
- If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We’ve been tricked before!!
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
- You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
- The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
- ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
- If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
- We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
- If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
- If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
- Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
- Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway.
so i got this two forwarded on my email. ive seen this email quite sometime ago. its nothing new. just that i agreed with most of it. so why not post it here eh..