found this fun article on breaking up with xbox360. someone wrote on breaking up with his xbox360 console and someone else replied – as xbox360. fun reading here.. enjoy!
If the Xbox 360 was your girlfriend, she’d be an unstable, high-maintenance gold-digger.
Sit down, we need to talk.
It’s no secret that things haven’t been perfect between us. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy spending time with you and we’ve had some really fun times together. Hell, I remember the night we met like it was only yesterday. You were so cool and glamorous — like no other console I’d ever met. I dumped PlayStation 2 for you on the spot. She was pissed, but I didn’t care: it was love at first sight.
For a while, everything was perfect. The online gaming, the awesome graphics, the constant stream of kickass games: it was like a dream come true. But then you started to change.
I guess my feelings changed towards you on our third Xbox Live Gold anniversary. Once again, you expected me to renew our relationship with cold, hard cash. It was the same story on our first wireless date together — $100+ for a WiFi adaptor? I felt so used! Then you tried to charge me to look at free social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. That was the final straw.
All I wanted to do was spend time with you, and you kept treating me like your own personal money tree. Where was the love? Where was the respect? Y’know, they have a name for consoles like you — Kanye West wrote a song about it.
And it’s not just about the money. You’re also the most high-maintenance console I’ve ever met. If I don’t treat you like a piece of porcelain glass, you start to give me the ‘silent treatment’ (AKA Red Ring of Death). I want a console I can be rough with for a change; a console that doesn’t mind getting a little dirty.
Look, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just come right out with it. I’ve fallen for somebody else. I’m not telling you this to hurt you, but you deserve to know the truth. It’s not something I planned, it just kind of happened. No, it’s not Nintendo Wii. If it were, this would be a whole lot easier.
I’ve – I’ve been seeing PS3 Slim behind your back. It’s been going on for around a month now. When I said I was too tired to go online that night, I was secretly using the PlayStation Network. And when I said I was watching TV… I was really watching Blu-ray.
I know I said I’d never go back to her, but she’s like a completely different console. When she lost all that weight, I couldn’t help myself — I just had to get my hands on her. Free online gaming, inbuilt WiFi, Blu-ray movies and reliable hardware… how was I supposed to refuse? Besides, I want a console I can grow old with. How many years do you think you have left in you? Two? Well, it’s been fun Xbox 360. I really mean that. Hopefully you’ll be able to find it in your heart to forgive me. Until then; au revoir.
We’ll always have Gears of War.
The ‘ex’-box bites back…
It’s not me, it’s you
So you’re leaving me for the PS3 Slim.
I have to say, I‘m not surprised. No, not because she is “better” than me. I just always picked you as a superficial guy. Ditching me for that cut-priced tart with a flashy exterior and no personality just proves what I’ve known all along: with you, it’s all about the dress size.
You had always bagged out the PS3, saying there was no way in hell you would ever leave me for her. I remember how you’d whisper sweet nothings in my ear (via Xbox Live) and proudly boast about me to your friends. You even convinced some of them to buy Xbox 360s so we could double date. Then, all of a sudden, she glams up, slims down and it was ‘out with the old in with the new.’
Sure, I can admit that I am lacking in certain departments (no WiFi or Blue-Ray player), but I make up for it with my HUGE RACKS of games. Dead Rising, Halo 3, Fable 2, Gears of War 2, Left 4 Dead Mass Effect 2 – the list goes on and on. That should have been enough to keep you satisfied; to keep your roving eye at bay. What can PS3 possibly offer you that I don’t? Sony EyePet? Yeah, good luck having fun with that.
And don’t you DARE accuse me of being a gold-digger, like you were the only one that contributed to the relationship. I put out like CRAZY for you! You pay a meagre US$45 a year and I give you an array of exclusive downloadable content, cute lil’ avatars AND hook you up with awesome gaming mates. I worked damn hard to make you happy.
PS3’s online system might be free, but at least I’m reliable (note the epic fail of Playstation Network here and here). It’s like the difference between McDonalds and a classy restaurant: you get what you pay for. Then again, I guess McDonalds is your idea of the ideal date, you cheapskate.
Oh, and you just had to pull out that ‘Red Ring of Death’ attack, didn’t you? It’s a birth defect that I’m not proud of, but at least I give you a robust three-year warranty period. And I’m honest about my faults. As for the PlayStation 3, I’ve got four words for you: Yellow Light of Death. Did I also mention she only has a paltry one-year warranty? Everyone knows that she doesn’t really care about you.
But don’t you worry about me. You’re more replicable than one of my controller batteries. I literally have a horde of guys gagging to hook up with me (3 30,000 million units sold globally, eat your heart out). So run along now with your anorexic friend. Just don’t come running back when Left 4 Dead 2 comes out…